Today I’m trying out a new series with my column to help Thunder fans learn an important aspect of being a true big league city. When we first were introduced to NBA basketball, the Hornets marketing team basically sold tickets by convincing Oklahoma City patrons to come out and watch the opposing team’s stars. More of their ticket solicitations involved pictures of LeBron James and Kobe Bryant than Chris Paul. Now that the Thunder are legitimately our team, that has tapered off. However, transitioning to becoming fanatics of the home team is just step one.
Step two is being openly hostile to the opposition.
That’s where we sort of fail. Oklahomans are just too nice. We want the Thunder to win, but we generally also wish the best for the opponent any other night. That needs to stop, and I’m going to help you.
Generally this series will outline five reasons you should hate another NBA team. Sometimes, that won’t be enough (teaser: the Lakers might merit a top-100). For the Jazz, who were my favorite team prior to their choice to pass over my draft crush, Chris Paul, and the unlikely chain of events that brought Paul to my hometown, five will be tough for me to accomplish. But that’s why I started with them.
5. Deron Williams’ Combforward
Considering Oklahoma City employs the king of the Caesar haircut in Nenad Krstic, it would probably be tossing stones at glass houses to make fun of Utah Jazz point guard Deron Williams for failing to embrace his receding hairline. Then again, isn’t that what fandom is about? And Williams’ combforward is unique in that I wasn’t even aware African-Americans could position their hair in a futile attempt to hide a bald spot. Apparently, it is possible, but with the exception of Deron Williams, they just have better taste than white people.
4. Carlos Boozer double crossed a blind guy
The Jazz’ star power forward was a free agent in the Summer of 2004. At the time, he had blossomed for the Cleveland Cavaliers who drafted him in the second round after most team’s believed he would never make it in the NBA. In 2004, the Collective Bargaining Agreement limited “Bird Rights” on a guy with Boozer’s experience, and the best Cleveland could offer him was the “mid level exception” which amounted to about $4.5MM/year.
Hoping to keep Boozer as a building block to a team that had just drafted LeBron James, the Cleveland’s legally blind owner Gordon Gund offered Boozer the maximum amount they could for the next season. After that season, Boozer would be have to Bird Rights for a much richer contract from Cleveland, and Gund made an under the table offer to reward him richly in the Summer of 2005. Supposedly, Boozer agreed.
However, Utah had a ton of cap space that Summer, and had been shunned in the two prior Summers of possessing cap space. So, they swooped in with an offer to overpay and Boozer went back on his handshake agreement with Gund and has been a star year in and year out for the Jazz ever since.
Was it the right decision? Probably. If Boozer had signed a one year deal with Cleveland and then re-upped for something remotely close to what the Jazz offered, the Cavs probably would have received the “Joe Smith treatment” and torpedoed the LBJ era before it even started. On the other hand, who stabs a blind man in the back?
3. Stupid Team Name
When is the last time you were thought to yourself: “That Mormon dude sure knows how to play some blues?”
2. Andrei Kirilenko
After a playoff loss to Houston, one reporter set the scene at Kirilenko’s locker as such:
Forward Andrei Kirilenko used a towel to wipe tears from his red and swollen eyes Sunday while discussing his minimal role in the Jazz’s 84-75 loss to the Rockets in Game 1. Kirilenko played only 16 minutes – including only the last seven seconds of the fourth quarter.
Seriously, dude, maybe Coach Jerry Sloan didn’t have minutes in his rotation for a player who behaves like a little girl that didn’t get invited to the popular kid’s birthday party. Man up, and perhaps the legendary coach finds time for him to earn his max contract. In the meantime, Oklahoma City fans can pepper him with calls for the “Waaambulance.”
1. They are our division rival
As I write this, Utah is second in the Northwest Division, three games ahead of the Thunder. That’s despite OKC dominating them on the floor this year. Jerks.
Hostility towards the opposing team is the most fun part of almost any sport, but especially basketball. Ahh, the memories of grabbing the program before every game in college and spending the entire warm-up period picking out what you could scream at each individual player to just tick them off. So I agree, more hatred for the enemy... which would be everybody except the Nets.. everybody loves the Nets.
They're our rivals!! Lol, I thought of the family guy thing.
I hate Utah because my wife forces me to sit through Big Love every sunday. God I hate that show.
Can we talk about how this state should still be angry at the state of Utah (read: BYU) after the debacle that was the OU/BYU game in Cowboys Stadium, Sam's shoulder, etc...?
Sloan is one of my favorite coaches, tough not to admire the Jazz..
Oh no someone wrote an article in jest! Seriously guys its just a joke. I could be wrong here but I dont think Clark is telling fans to throw cups of beer at Artest, if you don't like the article then don't read it. Maybe on the way to pick up AK-47 that waaambulance can stop by and pick up some DT readers... I kid I kid, but seriously save all the hate for dudes wearing Laker jerseys at the game tomorrow.
@M.J.
haha, yeah. but, i have to call them the Zombies! out of respect for the fallen (I'm from Seattle). Still love this team, though.
I'm an avid Jazz fan, and I enjoy watching the Thunder. Unfortunately, this article is worthless. Hate the Spurs since they own you.
@cole
I found it a little funny when, even while following the lead of Bill Simmons (i.e., calling the Thunder "the Zombies"), you accused someone else of a low blow. That is all.
Lol, should've clarified but I was in class while typing that. I only describe him that way because if I didn't know his name or who he was, but still knew what I knew about basketball I would consider his style of play European, not Argentinian or Spanish first. I call his 2-step move a "European 2-step" so that's why I refer to him has a European player. I know it's wrong but that's just the way I generalize his style of play.
@JelloPuddinPup
Manu is actually Argentinian, though he does have dual citizenship (Italy).
they are a division rival, that should be reason enough. plus i have a crazy stalker chick that lives in utah, thats my reason.
@JelloPuddinPup
number 1 has to be the tim duncan eye bulge.
@JelloPuddinPup
Sorry to be a stickler, but Manu is from Argentina, not Europe.
@JelloPuddinPup
1a. Manu-Manu the Slender
I can't hate the Jazz because I love calling Carlos "Booze Cruise". Almost as much as I love calling Kobe "The Rapist".
I have already wrote the Spurs post:
5 Reasons To Hate The Spurs:
- 5. Ginobili
- 4. Manu
- 3. Manu Ginobili
- 2. Ginobili, Manu
- 1. That European guy that flops and perfected that cool 2-step move in the lane but WOAH LOOK AT THAT BALD SPOT!
for those that think the article is in bad taste...relax. Reason number 1 is the most important one - the others are just for fun.
GREAT NEW SERIES IDEA!!! I also second the motion for top 100 reasons to hate the Lakers as Brad suggested.
Haha, I like the idea of disliking other teams. But I don't think you can manufacture it. Either you dislike the opposing team or you don't. This is a pretty decent idea though, it at least gives reasons to dislike them other than liking the Thunder more. Overall good stuff.
@Taz-Maniac
I know that the Jazz were not expansion, I was just pointing out the ridiculousness of them keeping the name. I.e. "If they had been an expansion team, they wouldn't have been called 'Jazz.'" Sorry for the confusion.
I would also say, re: the name "Sonics": The name "Seattle Supersonics" was pretty identifiable with the city, and considering the acrimonious way that the team left it likely would have created even more bitterness in the northwest. Plus, it leaves the door open for the team to get another team with the same name, just like the new Cleveland Browns after the original franchise went to Baltimore.
Isn't there something ironic about a column titled "Peace, Love, and Thunderstanding" preaching hate?
KingGondo :@cole
It’s just funny that of all the things you could possibly have named an expansion Utah NBA franchise, “Jazz” would probably be about #1,000,000 on the list.
It wasn't an expansion franchise, it relocated from NOLA in 79 and kept the name as did the Lakers and the Hornets when they moved.
I'd bet the Sonic name had to be changed because of the potential confusion (of being tied in ) with the Sonic Drive-in franchise.
One thing you should add to your article: Jerry Sloan is notorious throughout the league as a complainer and teacher of dirty tactics, in spite of his great reputation as a coach (and likability off the court).
It's rare to see a call go against Utah without him flailing around like a fish out of water on the sideline.
I have a hard time hating the jazz. But the lakers, nuggets, and mavs... Now that is a different story.
I like the idea of the article, especially since we will very possibly be playing the jazz in the playoffs, but I feel as though the mavs should be the target of our hate. There is much more potential for a rivalry being built there, and there are plenty of things to hate- the fact that they are located in texas. only 160 miles away. Their best player has the athleticism of 6th grader. mark cuban. the fact that they are located in texas... did i mention they are in texas??
@Vega
Come on, you've never laughed at a funny (but tasteful) sign at a game? I remember when I was at a Bedlam game in Stillwater, and somebody had printed out a huge Drew Lavender fake ID after he got arrested in Alaska. You just KNOW that he saw that, and it was on his mind during the game. Of course it's "not required," but it's just a game.
"Heckling" is definitely in a different category than the stuff I talked about (I tend to think of a lone obnoxious fan screaming at a player, which I hate as well). Like I said, as long as it doesn't descend into profanity I'm okay with it.
@KingGondo
yeah, you're right. right on with both your comments really.
@KingGondo
Opposing players already say that OKC is one of the toughest places to play. Stupid heckling or other things of that nature are not required.
@cole
Think you're taking this article a BIT too seriously. At least "Hornets" and "Lakers" are relatively innocuous nicknames, and the Lakers have been in LA long enough that nobody notices.
It's just funny that of all the things you could possibly have named an expansion Utah NBA franchise, "Jazz" would probably be about #1,000,000 on the list.
The espn mag on Russell Westbrook is truly awesome
@Clark Matthews
NBA teams move cities and keep their names… it's silly. What does the name "Hornets" have to do with NOLA? nothing. it's a North Carolina nick-name dating back to the Revolutionary War. It deserved to stay in Charlotte as the "Jazz" should have stayed in NOLA—Just like the "Sonics" deserved to stay in Seattle. That is ONE THING that I thank Clay Bennett for. (Well, that and hiring genius Sam Presti to sculpt this incredible team)
@Vega
It's not about being rude or crass, it's about demoralizing the other team. Chants of "airball," "defense," and funny signs are about all you can really do at an NBA game anyway.
Part of being a good crowd is getting in the head of the opposing team when they visit, as long as it doesn't descend into profanity or threats. I'm OK with anything outside of that.
Eesh, hard to call out the Jazz. Tradition alone lets it slide. There are no Bulls in Chicago. Lakers are still named after the land of 10,000 lakes even though they haven't been there or worn blue much since color TV was invented. The auto-industry left Detroit long before their most recent championship. Every team name is really, really dumb... except for the soon-to-be *cross your fingers* Brooklyn Dodgers.
Thunder and Bobcats are in a world series for worst team name in the NBA. First team to win a playoff series gets an exemption.
not a necessary addition… kind of a low-blow, dumb article—and this is coming from someone who cannot find a single reason to care about the Jazz, in spite of actually living in SLC. they're kind of a boring team, but still.
one of the great things about the Zombies is they have some serious class, and OKC should (and apparently does already) well-represent that.
Actually, the worst thing about the Jazz is their crowd "being openly hostile to the opposition." It's tacky and embarrassing.
On the contrary, I'm in favor of people being civilized towards the opposing team. I find it immature and foolish when people are "openly hostile" towards the other team.
@DizzyDai
In that case, I guess Salt Lake City can be the heart of jazz.
Overall I agree completely. Boozer is a dweeb. Maynor needs to make them suffer.
Jazz is not Blues.
You shouldn't write one for the Lakers. You should have everyone send in reasons they hate the Lakers and pick the top 100.