Google explains the Thunder

Google pretty much runs the world. All the innovations, all the technology — we’re not far off from Google House where you can see satellite pictures from inside everyone’s home.

Anyway, as I often do, I was running a quick Google search looking for Bolt-able items and in one of the autofill searches struck me. As I typed in “Russell Westbrook Kevin Durant,” the two results were “russell westbrook kevin durant feud” and “russell westbrook kevin durant argue.”

Oh geez. You too Google?

So I went through checking what Google’s opinion of the Thunder is. What does Google’s algorithm have to say about other players? Coaches? Mascots? Have a look.

One theme I noticed: Most everyone either has “[insert name] girlfriend/wife” in their search. Are you people really that sick? Do you really have to know what Nick Collison’s wife looks like? (Here’s what Nick Collison’s wife looks like.) Don’t know why “Nick Collison divorce” is in there though. Maybe it’s a daily search from hopeful ladies in the Oklahoma City area.

Backpacks, tattoos and Twitter. Yep, that’s pretty much everything you need to know about Kevin Durant.

Can’t talk about Westbrook without tossing in the trade crap. And about six million fewer results than Durant. Alpha dog issue SOLVED.

Ah, people are hunting for a Serge Ibaka shirt? Well, search no longer! I’ve got one here for you! Except that we had to discontinue it because Ibaka’s agency got all huffy about it.

A harmless search of Byron Mullens yields not so interesting results. I kind of expected Google to say “Who?” back at me. Just a paltry 228,000 results for Lord Byron. However, a search of…

Now I can see why B.J. changed to Byron. Third result? “B.J. Mullens bust.” Ouch. And 400,000 more results. You can’t hide from Google.

Forever linked. Because of, you know.

What’s the deal with “tooth,” you ask? Well, Cole Aldrich has a fake tooth as one of his front teeth. He lost it during his time at Kansas. He chipped it when he ran into a Kansas State player and then lost it in practice a few days later. How do I know all this? I Google’d it. Duh.

Aldrich better pick it up though or he may have to start going by Coleman Aldrich to hide from “Cole Aldrich bust.”

How to grow a James Harden beard? Really? For something as perfect and spectacular as The Beard’s beard, a simple Google search isn’t going to unlock the mystery of how to do that. What happens if you follow through on the search? The first result is a Yahoo! question: “Can I grow a James Harden beard if I’m white?” And he writes with that, “Serious answers only plz.” Yeah, be serious about this people.

And for good measure…