The Side Part: A series is a long time
I. I stand up in my living room to watch the ends of close games. I wear my shirt the way Paul Rudd did in I Love You, Man when he was at that Rush concert on Jason Segel’s shoulders, slapping the bass. Looks like a nun, sort of, or a turtle. Side note about the video: I’ve no idea how a personal video like that that’s addressing the people watching it like we’re supposed to know who Geddy is got up to over 50,000 views. Those are ads numbers. Congratulations to IIJG27Rich.
II. Did you know the Funaki tip was late when it first happened? I went through the, I THINK THAT WAS GOOD wishful thinking. Then came the, OH, OH NO. I THINK IT’S LATE. And then the, WELL LET’S SEE IT FROM ANOTHER ANGLE CAUSE MAYBE THAT’S JUST A BAD ANGLE IT’S PROBABLY JUST A BAD ANGLE. Then (EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE) SIT DOWN, CUBAN, HOW DO YOU SWEAT THAT MUCH FROM THE PITS JUST WATCHING YOU’RE NOT THAT CHARISMATIC ON SHARK TANK GO VOTE FOR TRUMP HOW THE THUNDER GONNA MAKE ME LOOK AT A HAPPY CHARLIE V RIGHT NOW?
III. It wouldn’t be the playoffs if the Thunder didn’t lose a game in an embarrassing, unthinkable kind of way. Since they have fully come of age—I define that as Durant and Westbrook having become two of the top 5 players in the world—there is always a game or two that happens come playoff time where the Thunder don’t quite show up in some way, get beat by a team they’re better than, and then the shouts come out. It’s happened against the Spurs. It’s happened against the Grizzlies. It’s happened against the Clips. It happens. It would be nice if it didn’t, but it always has. Call it a byproduct of rooting for a team that puts a lot of its faith in two transcendent guys trying to make sometimes tough shots against good defenders. What else has always happened, and this is where the “when healthy” caveat should be dropped: So long as Durant, Westbrook, and Ibaka have all three been healthy, the Thunder figure it out. The one time they didn’t was in ’12 in the Finals against the Heat, and even that was before Durant and Westbrook ballooned into what they’ve become now.
The way they lost to the Mavericks was disgusting. To date, all things and angles considered, it’s the most embarrassing loss I can remember. This Thunder team with this kind of talent shouldn’t be sniffed by this Mavericks team. They are too banged up, and too old, and the Thunder have too high a ceiling to be struggling with them. But the Mavericks play hard, they don’t beat themselves, and one of the greatest scorers the game has ever known had the worst shooting night of his career. The Thunder might not be able to play any worse than they did, and they still only lost by one.
I’m reminded every time the Thunder make the playoffs just how long a series is. They’re sometimes only four games, but even those last for, like, 684 news years. There’s only so much to talk about, and when star studded teams crap the bed the sharks will start to circle, as well they should. When Kevin Durant goes 7-33—and as I type that it’s like I descend into another reality, one where Bomar has two Heismans, Olive Garden doesn’t make breadsticks, Papa John kissed Ryan Leaf on the cheek after his second Super Bowl win, and Ebert gave The Hot Chick four stars and two thumbs up for its bravery and inventiveness—it’s deservedly going to be a point of discussion. There’s that layer of finality that hangs low in the sky over the heads of every team in the playoffs, and the narratives ramp up accordingly. Add to that Durant’s impending free agency that is upon us and if the Thunder stumble at all it’s bombs away for the take machines. Remember Mr. Unreliable? That happened in the playoffs. The Thunder have been dead to rights before in the postseason. They’ve most always responded well.
