The Side Part: Cam Payne’s all you can eat buffet

I couldn’t watch the Bucks game live because I was out with my wife. Halfway through the third I checked my phone and saw what Payne was doing. I made a noise like a teakettle and started to shake her. When I went back and watched the game I saw the blooming. He can handle it. The ball’s on a string. It’s like he’s dribbling a yo-yo. He’s got that lefty funk game that makes you tilt your head. It makes him seem like he’s always playing sideways. He’s constantly leaning, his body bending with the dribbles. If that game is the rule, and not an aberration, my God the possibilities.

I say that because of the shooting. The ball handling and the playmaking and the passing are nice, and those seem to be things you can count on him for, but the shooting—if he’s actually like that from the corners, that changes the entire makeup of the team. He becomes another guard teams have to worry about guarding, and would seem to take prayer out of the equation. Fewer Hail Marys when Roberson lets one loose from the corner. No more being on your knees at the altar hoping that Dion doesn’t Hit Em With The Stepback. No more general nauseousness when Singler comes into the game.

He gets guys shots, too. Finding Morrow the way he was. The weird, instant chemistry he found with Kanter, who for all his defensive faults—seems all writers are contractually obligated to mention that part of Kanter’s game when discussing him, huh?—is just deadly as a roller. The one handed catch of Payne’s pass out of that PnR with seven mins left in the fourth was just so pretty. I’m actually not totally sure Kanter didn’t Bogart that pass from Durant, but no matter. A bucket is a bucket, and Payne was finding many ways to generate them.

It was the full, all you can eat buffet. He was a CiCi’s Pizza. Stepback jumpers. Corner threes. Floaters. No-looks. Shovel passes for threes on the break. Buzzer beaters. Steals. He gave the people a Smörgåsbord.

Maybe this is an overreaction. Actually, it probably is. It’s been two games, really, with Payne in this role, and there is plenty of time for the league to figure him out. He will, absolutely, struggle at some point. But then you watch him, and you see the fluidity, the way he moves with the ball, without it. The way he sees the spaces of the floor, how he gets to the weird, in between spots and still keeps his dribble. He has something, no? Doesn’t it seem that way? The only negative I can find are the pun-filled headlines he’ll inspire. He got the FreeDawkins treatment. Enjoy the buffet.

Shaq Lawson has a cool name and sometimes it’s fun to watch Dabo Dab. Those are the only positive things I have to say about Clemson.

In Season 26 of Saturday Night Live there was a sketch called Evil Boss. You can watch it here. In it, Chris Parnell’s character says to Will Ferrell’s character, “I have been lifting weights and doing cocaine all day and I want a big piece of you, sir.” That’s about how I feel about this Orange Bowl. Here’s to OU winding up better than Parnell did.

Boomer Sooner.