The Side Part: Serge’s birthday, Avec Classe

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It was Serge Ibaka’s birthday yesterday and he was pumped about it, posting pictures on Instagram of himself on his birthday night. What follows is a fictional account of that party. It’s September. I’m ready for the season to start, too.

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Serge Ibaka stands tall and boss on a bright balcony as cameras pop off and click all around like there’s twenty strobe lights in front of him. He’s dressed to slay. White pants. White T-shirt. Violet and lime green jacket sport jacket all Barney and silk-like in the early Fall night. Some real Gullah-Gullah Island type stuff.

His watch is gold and vibrant. There’s a glare coming off it from all the snaps and crackles and photo pops of photogs doing what they can to capture The Great Grizzly Bear out in the social wild. The glare’s there because he’s shining. Bright too, like someone let loose fourteen suns.

He doesn’t need to look at the watch to know what time it is. It’s showtime. No. Not showtime. It’s SHOWTiME. He doesn’t capitalize the “i” because it’s not about him. It’s about us all. Let’s not just party, he thinks. Let’s also start a movement. #avecclasse he tells the world. With class. Let’s affect change. Let’s all order one more and be our best selves, he says into the DJ’s microphone as he stands on stage next to Rory McIlroy and Luke Bryan.

It’s a real Who’s Who of attendees at this thing. You got the already mentioned Rory and King of the Sadder Than It Sounds Country Party Anthem. You got the Pine Sol lady. You got Ethan Suplee. Mitch Albom is there for some reason. So is the guy that plays Badger on Breaking Bad. Kelly Rowland’s snuggled up next to Mike Birbiglia. There’s talk that Paul Kariya might show up. Wayne Coyne’s going to be there. Paula Patton’s still pissed off at Robin Thicke so she’s there. Amy Jo Johnson. The lady who played the mom on The Torkelson’s. It’s pandemonium.

The crown jewel, though: They were able to get both of the Sonic commercial guys, TJ Jagadowski and Peter Grosz, to come to the party. What’s more, they are holding it down in character in a 1961 Ferrari GT California (the Ferris Bueller car) and they’re just doing these killer bits all night about Sonic Butterfinger Blasts and Route 44’s and these hot new breakfast toaster sandwiches they’re debuting sometime in the next year. These will be orange infused, the attendees are told. Everyone makes an “oooooo” sound.

Serge looks on all this and is pleased. Happy Birthday to me, he shouts up into the night sky, the stars humming back at him that version of the Happy Birthday song they sing at El Chico’s – who’s catering by the way – where they make you put on a sombrero and stand in a chair while the least busy members of the wait staff serenade you.

Happy, Happy Birthday
It’s your special day
Happy, Happy Birthday
And now we’re here to say
Happy, Happy Birthday
May all your dreams come true
Woooo
Happy, Happy Birthday
From all of us to you
Hey!

Inside the cake is rolled in and lit up and just as he’s about to wish for a Mickey Mantle’s gift card, out pops Hakeem Olajuwon. Keri Hilson, his lady, got him post move lessons. That sweetheart. It’s two weeks down in Houston with The Dream working on up and unders, face up jumpers, set them up on the right block and jab baseline and spin back middle and hit the fade, etc and so on.

It’s a joyous night. One of dancing and drinking and delight.

Keri sidles up to him late in the night during Lloyd’s live performance of “Get It Shawty” and whispers something in Serge’s ear we can’t know because it’s private and weird and has to do with Lloyd and this one time at The Waffle House. Serge laughs a laugh and flashes a smile that brings oceans to boil. He puts his right arm around her and gestures with his left to the skyline and the world below them.

This will be ours, he says. All of it.

Then she mentions how he needs to work on his back to the basket game some before they get to that point and he’s all, oh youuuu. She walks off singing to herself and Serge goes to the opposite corner of the balcony to talk shoes with Jerry Ferrara. He nods his head along with the music, a previously unreleased Luke Bryan deep cut that didn’t make the final track listing for Tailgates & Tanlines titled “Lust in a Chevy Love”.

To his right he sees Omarion playing charades with Scott Porter, Scott Disick, Jonathan Franzen, Marques Houston, and the surviving members of LFO. Nothing can touch him. Tonight he will last forever.