The Side Part: The United States of Funaki

All along the now more tan prairies, once green, and they are on their way to brown with winter coming — ice will be falling from the skies, black and invisible on the roads, schools shutting down — the trees are turned and car flags with OKC and Thunder printed on them begin their rise up and above Silverados, replacing the crimson flags and that other orange, waving at the state, the fabric catching and causing a thud like someone slapping a mattress.

And it’s still very much football time in Oklahoma, but the basketballs are bouncing now. Soon enough they will take over.

* * *

Funakian

(foo-knock-e-uhn)

adjective

1. Of or pertaining to The United States of Funaki or its inhabitants.

“a Funakian citizen.”

noun

2. A citizen of the United States of Funaki.

3. A steam powered locomotive having a four-wheeled front truck, two rocket-launchers, four driving wheels, dope sound system (couple 10’s in the back, shaking) and no mercy, or rear truck.

* * *

The experience of watching Steven Adams this year will be the closest thing I’ve experienced, at this point, to watching my own child play a sport. I don’t have a kid and do not plan on fathering one anytime soon, but, you see, I just want Big Steve to be so good. Not since Steve Wilkos have I wanted success for a Steve this bad.

The Nugs game last night brought forth more of the same highs and lows that Stone Cold had all of last year. Swinging from minutes where he looks like a future All-Star, to minutes where he picks up two dumb fouls in a hurry and is relegated to the bench, left to watch while Funakians cry out for their king.

Last year it wasn’t as much of a bother because somewhere down down the deep river of reason and understanding, it was always understood, least on my end, that Perkins was going to be the starter and the guy who still got minutes for all those invisible reasons — leadership, intensity, a fantastic Instagram presence, so on. SteveO could pour in concrete like double digits in points, activity on both ends, rim protection, running the floor, solid screens, and it still wouldn’t matter much. The spot was Perk’s and it was going to stay that way. There is no firmer concrete on earth than that which has been used on the Thunder’s starting lineup these last several years.

This year, though, it can be different, because some stripes have been earned by Stone Cold Steve and the door is open, pried so by Perkins’ immovable and injured body, for Big Steve to earn a starting spot, to switch from being The Thunder’s Center of the Future, to The Thunder’s Center of Right This Very Moment. Fouling out in 21 mins of play won’t get him there, neither will the missed free throws, but that blistering start — 7-8 in the first 14 mins of the game Wednesday night — and general ability to CATCH and finish is something previously foreign to the crying eyes of Thunder fans. He can be a mammoth help, a mammoth who helps.

Ready your mustaches. Make ready for the boom.