What to do on the worst sports day of the year?

The day after the Major League Baseball All-Star Game is undoubtedly the worst sports day of the year. It’s the only day on the calendar that no major American sport is in regulation play. No football, no basketball (save the Thunder-less Las Vegas summer league), no baseball, no nothing.

What the hell are we supposed to do with ourselves?

Perhaps the best answer is to capitalize on the lack of live, televised sporting events by enjoying all the things you say you wish you’d do more of. Or at least figure out another way of wasting time.

So allow me to propose a humble list of things to do on the worst sports day of the year. In no particular order:

Go to Red Box.

Seriously, have you tried Red Box? You can rent movies for a dollar! It’s definitely a way to kill time during an evening after work.

You see, one of two things will happen if you go to a Red Box. Sometimes you’ll rent a movie, watch it and maybe even enjoy it. But more likely, you’ll take the movie home and discover someone scratched the heck out of the DVD. Let their dog play with it or dragged it behind their car on the way to return it even. Definitely not in tip top shape, that’s for sure.

So then you’ll spend a good 20 minutes trying to clean and buff it, get the first few scenes going and keep your fingers crossed that it will keep going. When it stops in the middle of a key moment or shower scene or something like that, you’ll try to clean it again in vain and give up. If it’s still early enough to squeeze in a movie, you can run back to Red Box and begin the process anew. If not, you can get in a bad mood, pick a (hopefully small) fight with your insignificant other and go to bed in a huff.

Nevermind. It’s WAY too hot outside this week. Turn the air conditioner down, turn the lights off and hide.

Mow my lawn.

Again, WAY too hot. For me, but maybe not for you.

Balance your checkbook.

Be honest. When was the last time your balanced your checkbook? When your mom made you the day she helped you get your first bank account after you landed your first job? Not even then?

The most amazing aspect of this so-called Great Recession has been that banks have collapsed. Really? Just between me and the people I know, we’ve contributed the equivalent of the yearly GDP of Nicaragua to various American banks in the form of overdraft fees in the last decade or so. I’ve probably paid out a college tuition payment or so in fees just on occasions when I overdrafted my account by less than a dollar.

Math sucks, but overdraft fees suck worse. Today’s the first day of the rest of your life!

Visit Prague!

No, not Prague, Czech Republic, the golden city. Prague, Oklahoma. It rhymes with “pray.”

Sure, Europe’s far and expensive. Not everyone has the time or the money. But you’ve got to show something for the summer. A day trip to Lake Stanley Draper won’t do.

So why not a day trip to Prague, just an hour east of Oklahoma City? Plenty of farm and scrub land to see on the way. And no one can tell the difference in, say, a Facebook status update or tweet. People will think you’re all cultured.

Study up on the candidates for the upcoming local primary elections.

You can make a bigger difference voting locally than voting for president. And you can meet your local octogenarians at the polling station when you have to spell your name three times to get a ballot!

And perhaps the two most productive ways to spend the lamest day of the year:

Bombard Nick Collison with fan mail demanding the absolute value  ‘stache.

We’re closing in on a year since Collison teased us  about the absolute value  ‘stache. He didn’t exactly promise to grow it, but he was the one  who brought it up. It’s pretty much like he promised.

Accountability is important in the Thunder franchise, and it’s up  to all of us to remind Collison that the people want the ‘stache. Time  could be running out for him to debut the ‘stache in Oklahoma City. So  short of forcing Cole Aldrich to grow one as part of rookie hazing, the  time for the ‘stache has come. There’s only one year left on his deal,  and even though he’s a fan favorite, there’s no guarantee he’ll be back  for the 2011-12 season — if  there is one.

Which reminds me.

Write a check to  the NBA for at least a few bucks.

A lockout?! Season after  next!? Are you telling me that millionaires squabbling over slices of  the pie we pay for could cost us part or all of a season of Kevin Durant  in the Ford Center?

Clearly, we need to do whatever we can to  save the NBA. Buying tickets, concessions, jerseys, shirts, hats, cable  TV packages and all the rest is not enough to support the system. I  mean, it’s not like the owners are handing out ridiculous contracts anymore and overpaying for mediocrity.  We need to help them out, and those poor souls among the players who  would have trouble  paying bills next year after making millions this year.

Bail  out the NBA! Keep Kevin playing!